Friday, February 4, 2011

I am back :)

Well I went to Washington and had a blast! Getting to spend 16 days with my sisters and their families was amazing. The three of us went to the Temple in Kennewick and did sealings. It was the first time any of us had gone in with each other. It was an amazing feeling. Being there and knowing that we will make it, together. I am so thankful for my family. They are always there when I need them. They support me in everything that I do. They love me no matter what and I can turn to them for anything. They gave me advice and support while I was there and it felt great to be able to just talk to them.
I am still hurting though. Up until 9 days ago I was still talking to him. He wanted to be friends. But he was still telling me that he loved me. Wanting to see me when I came home. It hurt so much to say goodbye to him. I loved him. Love him still. I can honestly say that only 2 days in the past three weeks have gone by without tears. 2 days! I miss him like crazy. There is not a time during the day that goes by without the hope and longing for a text from him or call. But I also do not want it. We need to be apart. But I hate it. I go to WalMart and think of him. I drive down the road hoping to get just a glance of him driving past. He lives a mile and a half away and I cannot see him. I thought that the time away would get me over him. That maybe he was just a phase. Maybe he would be like the other guys and I would get over him easily. I thought wrong. I am home and so close to him. I cannot imagine what tomorrow will be like when I know he is not going to be in it.
I miss his family. His brother and sisters. His son and his parents. I miss the way he treated my girl. I miss the way they played. I miss the way he helped when I was unable to control her. I miss everything about him. I miss how he spent all day with me at work when there he could have been doing anything else. I miss the way he would pull my ring off my right hand and place it on my left. I miss his crazy playing. I miss his closeness. I miss his kiss. I even miss his unshaved kisses. I miss being held by him. I miss saying goodbye everynight when we both wanted to stay together and never have to say goodbye. I miss his eyes. I miss falling for him everytime we spoke. I miss him. I miss us.
How do you let go of something that made you feel this way? How do you move on from what feels like your whole world?

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