My Family

This post is going to be a little different than most of my others. I am a little frustrated lately.

I lived with a guy for 4 years that said he loved me. I did everything for him. I changed my enitre life for him. I stopped talking to friends, family and even just people that tried to chat. I changed my look and my attitude. I did all of this for him. Why? Because I thought we were in Love and I was trying to be his everything. I tried being the person he wanted me to be. I worked full time and hardly saw any of the money. It went towards his toys, habits, and hobbies. I gave him everything. Well to much of everyone's surprise we got divorced because it just wasn't working out... (Surprise!) Obviously there is a lot more to that.

I loved him. I gave him everything. I gave him my whole heart. A part of my heart will always be with him. He is the father of my daughter and we spent 4 years together. We cried and laughed together. Yes I have moved on but it still hurts.

Every few months he calls, texts, or talks to me about how he misses me. Talks about how beautiful I am and that he loves me and will always love me. He say's he would love for us to try again.

Are you kidding me?! After four years of tears and heartache he wants to try again? I loved him but will never be in love with him again. After all the pain I was put through it is almost sickening think of being apart of that life again.

But it still hurts. It hurts to hear him say I love you. It was so hard to say goodbye. Still to this day it makes me cry jsut thinking about the fact that I could not make us work. I know I did everything in my power. Why could he have not loved me more? Why could he have not cared about us just a little more? Could he not see that he was killing me inside? Did he really even care? All these thoughts and more go through my mind and make all the feelings of the past come back.

He can still make me cry and I hate it. I hate the effect that he can have on me. He has no idea what it was like trying to make us work. He has no idea how much I really loved him. I mean I hope he doesn't because if he did and still treated me that way, shame on him!

Holidays are so hard when you do not have someone to love adn hold through them. Couldn't he just forget about us and move on for good? It would sure make my feelings a lot easier to handle.

Sorry about the depressing blog today but I needed to get it out...