Thoughts

I have had a lot of thoughts running around in my head lately. Some are crazy funny and others way to serious! I have this thought that I am not going to say what it is exactly but it means going the extra step. It means making more promises and being accountable for more. I thought about it for a little while when I first got divorce about 6 months ago. Well the thought is back and it just seems to keep coming back. My mom says it is upto me but she doesn't think I will end up needing to. She is trying to marry me off by the way! Anyways... My life right now consists of me and my daughter. That is all I have to worry about right now. Should I wait until I get married and do it then or should I go for it. I mean even if I get married in 5 years more than likely he will already have done his. I have been pondering on this and cannot seem to come up with an answer. There is nothing bad that can come out of it, only good. I loved the feeling I got when I went with just what I have. I wonder what it will be like when I get it all. When I can go where I have never been before. My friend asked me about it today and it was just kind of funny since it is a serious struggle in my mind right now. Yes there are some clothes that I might have to get rid of because they are not quite up to par but not very many. Mainly just the sleeves are not quite long enough... I never wear shorts because they scare me... So that wont be a problem. I cannot figure out what my next step is. I feel like I am now in limbo... Like I am just waiting for the perfect guy to come along. I do not want to just be waiting. I want to be furthering myself. I mean it might be 5 years down the road! Should I really wait for something that can bless me now? If he doesn't have his taken out then I might feel bad that I couldn't wait but I am pretty sure he wouldn't be upset about it. Too many thoughts scrambling my brain! Couldn't it be as simple as a big neon sign saying yes or no?!?!